Diary of a Beautiful Special Needs Sibling

  Hiiii.  Welcome to another Wisdom Wednesday, and today, I want to talk about Autism.  I know, right — shocker. So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how our brains are wired, and it brought me back to a question that comes up all the time in conversations about neurodiversity. Is autism hereditary?  Of course, many sites say it is not, but recently I have started seeing some signs. I know someone who has a brother with Autism, and now she has a child with Autism. When she told me, this is how I looked. But in reality, I was like this in my head. Press enter or click to view image in full size ‘You say what?’ Apparently, genetics actually plays a massive role. The data shows that if there’s already an autistic person in the family, whether that’s a parent, a sibling, or an aunt, the chances of having another neurodivergent family member increase a little bit. But here’s why I really wanted to talk about this today. For decades, there was unfair stigma and misin...

You wouldn’t believe that three weeks before my event, I told God, “It’s okay. Ah-ha, what did I ever do to you? I’m tired of life.” Tough times, or rather, dramatic times if you know me well. And I barely had 15,000 naira for the event. Now, let’s get into how God showed up for me, changed my belief in ‘prayer’, and how purpose isn’t always the smoothest thing, like most people think. But first, I missed you guys, and I know you missed me too. A whole 4 weeks without hearing from me? Child, be comforted, for I am here. For those who don’t know, I host an annual event for my foundation focused on special needs. Every year, I open it up for donations because God can use anyone, plus my salary is still a gift from God. Every year, the event happened miraculously, and it was all due to God’s providence and the people He sent to me. In 2025, as I thanked God for my recently concluded event, He gave me an idea for the next one. I was getting ready for the evil called NYSC; I was tired and n...

It cost an arm and a leg to raise a child with a disability. I would know because I have experienced this firsthand. While we may talk about the emotional part of taking care of a child with special needs, we also need to talk about the financial frustrations in raising them. From therapy sessions to adaptive equipment, the expenses often stretch far beyond what many families can comfortably afford. It makes me think of families who are impoverished and have nothing to support their children on a regular basis. How do they handle this?  When it comes to doctor visits, children with disabilities often require frequent medical attention, including specialized treatments that they cannot just get anywhere.  Many conditions require long-term medications, surgeries, or assistive devices, all of which add up quickly to the fees that parents or caregivers have to pay.  It can be a lot. For example, a child with cerebral palsy may need physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupa...

  If I had to sum up last month, it would be about caregiving and how much it honestly scared me. If you didn’t already know, I have a brother with Autism, he’s my world. Last month was Autism Awareness Month. While many posted about awareness or inclusion and called out those who mocked people with disabilities, I was focused on my life and how caregiving was slowly getting into the picture. I thought about the daily commitment, the fears, and the responsibilities of loving and supporting someone with special needs. And for a long time, I found myself terrified.  Cue the horror music. My brother is going to be 25, and while I thank God for his life, it also makes me think about milestones, what he hasn’t done yet, what he’s doing now, and what life could be like in the next few years. A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my dad, and for the first time, he was vulnerable and opened up,” What happens when I die?” As usual, as the priest in my home, I encouraged him: “ We ...

I believe in the opinion that everyone has thought of suicide, and you can argue, but you know deep down, something may have happened to you to make you say, “I’m going to end it all.” But let’s talk about something that happened to me. Now, this article is not to scare you, or to make me seem easily influenced by the other voice. It is to remind you of three things. One, bottling emotions is not good.  Two, the role of caregiving for someone with a disability is not something that is your sole responsibility. Three, the devil is a bastard.  Okay, let's get into it. If you’ve been following my space, you probably know that I have a brother with Autism. As much as it is a beautiful experience, it is very scary. Whenever my brother is coming to the house from school, we ‘ Tobi-proof ’ the house, meaning that we have to hide some things, lock some things up, and it is quite a lot.  See also: Choosing Love as a neurotypical sibling Long story short. I had a meltdown on Sunda...

  Unfortunately, you cannot change the life you have been given. I have tried multiple times, but I’ve realized that being a neurotypical sibling is for life.   And this is for you, whether or not you're actively playing the role of a sibling of special needs, this role is for life! Like Thanos said, “You can run from it .” There are highs and lows of having a sibling with a disability. Growing up with a neurodivergent sibling comes with a unique mixture of love, challenges, and deep understanding. And, fortunately, I can say that I’ve mastered it.  Without losing my mind.  Before, I was complaining about my brother’s meltdowns, balancing responsibilities and expectations, and feeling like I needed to be the strong and stable one.  I still cry myself to sleep at night, but it's part of the experience. Nothing in life is completely smooth.  How did I do it? Before mastering this role, I had to overcome inconsistencies and address some thoughts, and m...

  I love my brother.  There is a high chance that I will give my life for him. He’s funny, kind, and has this way of making me laugh when I least expect it. Especially when he is doing his little dance while eating Jollof Rice. But there’s one thing that keeps me up at night sometimes; does he know Jesus? Like, really know Him. Growing up, faith was a big part of our home and has become a huge part of mine. Sunday mornings meant church, bedtime meant prayers, and we have devotions in our home, and I bet he knows that I don’t joke with my prayer time. I was 15 when I gave my life to Christ when I realized, “Oh wow, Jesus actually loves me .” But my brother? That’s where things get confusing. You see, my brother has Autism and is verbal, but not per se Non-verbal. He processes things differently. He doesn’t ask deep questions about God or talk about faith the way I do. And that used to scare me. Because salvation is a choice , right? What if he doesn’t understand enough to make...

What It’s Like to Date as a Special Needs Sibling? The truth is, I worry about love. Who doesn’t? You’re choosing someone to build your life with, and what happens if you make a bad choice? It’s not just about my happiness. It’s about my future children, my stability, and, in my case, my little brother. The topic of caregiving has been on my mind since I reached a certain age, making me think more about the future; my career, my health, my responsibilities… everything. Love and relationships are a huge part of that. I’ve never doubted that I have the best friends around me…people who understand my role as a neurotypical sibling. But when it comes to love? That’s where the anxiety creeps in. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but the dating pool is a big mess. I’d describe it as “shege” before finding real love” except if you’re God’s favorite and somehow skip the drama. My situation hasn’t been smooth, and I’d like to think that God is saving me for the one. Unashamedly, I love romance, ...

Are you aware that you’re unique? That there is no one else like you. This is not me trying to butter you up. I believe that everyone is unique and in this case, I’m leaning towards the aspect of learning.  You know what upsets me? When parents and teachers compare students to one another. You’ve probably heard the words,” Does this child have two heads? Why did he do better? How is he learning this faster than you are?” Dear comparison master, everyone just learns differently. One thing that many people forget is that each person has unique strengths, challenges, and learning styles. My brother has Autism and leans towards learning in Audio-visual form. I’ve realized that people who are not on the spectrum or neurodivergent, also learn differently.  This brings me to the important point that a classroom should be able to accommodate people’s learning differences.  See: Ten Things to take away from Your Safe Space NG 2024  Let me give you an example. My brot...