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Mastering Being the best sister to an Autistic Boy

 Unfortunately, you cannot change the life you have been given. I have tried multiple times, but I’ve realized that being a neurotypical sibling is for life.  And this is for you, whether or not you're actively playing the role of a sibling of special needs, this role is for life! Like Thanos said, “You can run from it.”

There are highs and lows of having a sibling with a disability. Growing up with a neurodivergent sibling comes with a unique mixture of love, challenges, and deep understanding. And, fortunately, I can say that I’ve mastered it. 

Without losing my mind. 

Before, I was complaining about my brother’s meltdowns, balancing responsibilities and expectations, and feeling like I needed to be the strong and stable one.  I still cry myself to sleep at night, but it's part of the experience. Nothing in life is completely smooth. 

How did I do it? Before mastering this role, I had to overcome inconsistencies and address some thoughts, and mostly, I had to change my mindset. Here are the following things I’ve learnt, and I believe you should learn too.  

  1. Acknowledge All Your Feelings

I used to hate myself for it, but the truth is that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions: love, frustration, pride, guilt, even resentment. Suppressing these feelings won’t make them magically disappear. Instead, allow yourself to process them without judgment and think of what to do with them. It’s essential to acknowledge your emotions, but don’t let them dictate a decision you'll regret. I always say that it is okay to feel those feelings but don't act irrationally. 

  1. Let Go of the “Perfect Child” Expectation

I used to take on the role of the responsible one or try to be the perfect child, maybe to make my parents feel better about my brother’s situation. Many also try to show perfectionism to compensate for their siblings’ challenges. While it’s natural to want to ease your parents’ burden, it’s important to recognize that your worth isn’t tied to how much you help or how well you perform. You are enough just as you are.

  1. Have Healthy Boundaries

It is not selfish to spend time with yourself and avoid the drama of a neurotypical sibling. Trust me, there are a lot of them! There should be a balance in your life. You don’t have to attend to all your siblings’ needs. Setting healthy boundaries allows you to protect your time, energy, and mental health. It’s okay to say no, take breaks, and prioritize self-care. 

  1. Discover the true you

You’re not just a neurotypical sibling; you’re much more than that role, and you have your dreams and aspirations. Explore your passions, build friendships outside your family dynamic, and invest in activities that bring you joy. I go to the movies once a month to relieve myself of all drama. I need that me-time. 

  1. Educate Yourself and Others

Understanding my sibling’s condition made me empathetic and patient.  The more I learned about his experiences, the more I could advocate for him while also educating those around me. Everyone has to know about special needs when you're with me. Mind you, this doesn’t mean you have to be their full-time advocate, but raising awareness can create a more inclusive and accepting environment.

  1. Find People Like You!

That’s one of the reasons I created Your Safe Space NG. You are not alone in your journey. Many other neurotypical siblings share similar experiences, and connecting with them can be rewarding. Try to seek out sibling support groups, online communities where you can share your journey and gain wisdom from others who understand. 

  1. Brag about Small Wins

The day my brother said, “I love you too, " it was the most beautiful thing ever. I always tell my friends about good things that happen, even when life is not looking very progressive. In families with neurodivergent members, milestones and victories often look different. Celebrate progress in all its forms, whether it’s your sibling learning a new skill or you are setting a boundary that honors your needs. 

There you have it! Despite the challenges, there is so much beauty in having a neurodivergent sibling. The unique bond, the lessons in patience and unconditional love, all of these experiences shape you into a more compassionate and resilient person. Hold onto those joyful moments, and don’t be discouraged!


Living your best life doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your family; it means you’re embracing your own journey while still being a supportive sibling. Allow yourself to dream, grow, and create a future that brings you joy. 

Being a neurotypical sibling is a journey filled with highs and lows, but through self-awareness, boundaries, and self-care, you can thrive. Remember: your happiness matters, too.


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