Skip to main content

Choosing True Love as a sibling of special needs.

What It’s Like to Date as a Special Needs Sibling?

The truth is, I worry about love. Who doesn’t?



You’re choosing someone to build your life with, and what happens if you make a bad choice? It’s not just about my happiness. It’s about my future children, my stability, and, in my case, my little brother.

The topic of caregiving has been on my mind since I reached a certain age, making me think more about the future; my career, my health, my responsibilities… everything. Love and relationships are a huge part of that. I’ve never doubted that I have the best friends around me…people who understand my role as a neurotypical sibling. But when it comes to love? That’s where the anxiety creeps in.

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but the dating pool is a big mess. I’d describe it as “shege” before finding real love” except if you’re God’s favorite and somehow skip the drama. My situation hasn’t been smooth, and I’d like to think that God is saving me for the one.

Unashamedly, I love romance, love, and everything in between! I believe that everyone deserves someone to share life with and that person should be the right one. But finding love as a neurotypical sibling means carrying questions and concerns that most people never have to think about.

Three Questions That Cloud My Mind

Will My Partner Understand My Commitment?

My sibling is not just part of my life; he is part of my identity. Will my future partner fully understand what that means? Will he stand beside me in my role or feel like he’s competing for my attention? The last thing I want is to feel torn between love and responsibility.

Will They See It as a Burden?

Love should be about mutual support, but will my partner view my role as a weight too heavy to carry? I fear that someone might struggle to accept that my sibling will always be a priority and, in turn, feel that I am not worth the effort.

What If They Don’t Want the Same Future?

My future isn’t just mine, it’s intertwined with my sibling’s needs. What if my partner envisions a life that doesn’t align with that? What if he doesn’t want the responsibilities that come with loving someone like me?

And then, there’s my brother. Will he find the love he deserves? The thought of someone taking advantage of him infuriates me. In my head, I’ve already fought battles, maybe even committed murder a few times (in theory, of course). But then, I’ve seen people with disabilities find love, beautiful, thriving, and real love. Still, the fear remains.



But Here’s What I Choose to Believe

Despite these worries, I choose to believe in a love that is understanding, resilient, and accepting. I have no reason to doubt that the person meant for me will support me in my role. God writes the best love stories, and I trust Him to write mine.

The right partner will recognize and respect every part of my life. He won’t just tolerate my reality; he will embrace it. He will see my sibling not as an obstacle, but as family. A supportive partner will take the time to understand my role and grow with me instead of seeing it as a limitation.

And most importantly, I deserve love, the best love out there.

I am not just a neurotypical sibling. I am a person who deserves love, companionship, and joy. My responsibility does not make me unworthy of finding someone who will embrace my world.

There is someone who will choose this life with me.

Finding love as a neurotypical sibling is not just about romance; it’s about finding someone who sees my whole world and chooses to be part of it. And I will not compromise on that. While the worries remain, I choose to believe that love, when true, will always find a way to understand, support, and grow alongside me.

In other words, I am trusting God!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

EASTER SUNDAY- THE DAY JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND THE DAY I THOUGHT OF SUICIDE

I believe in the opinion that everyone has thought of suicide, and you can argue, but you know deep down, something may have happened to you to make you say, “I’m going to end it all.” But let’s talk about something that happened to me. Now, this article is not to scare you, or to make me seem easily influenced by the other voice. It is to remind you of three things. One, bottling emotions is not good.  Two, the role of caregiving for someone with a disability is not something that is your sole responsibility. Three, the devil is a bastard.  Okay, let's get into it. If you’ve been following my space, you probably know that I have a brother with Autism. As much as it is a beautiful experience, it is very scary. Whenever my brother is coming to the house from school, we ‘ Tobi-proof ’ the house, meaning that we have to hide some things, lock some things up, and it is quite a lot.  See also: Choosing Love as a neurotypical sibling Long story short. I had a meltdown on Sunda...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Change

HOW I DEALT WITH THE NEWS. Hiiiiiii. Let me just say my awesome friends pushed me to doing this and I love them❤️ So I have been so fortunate to know the word “Autism and everything it entails. I have a brother of 17 years who is autistic and if you knew me well, you would know I mention Tobi like a million times a day, when referring to anything. He's just in my mind everytime, gosh. Is it weird that I don’t remember my childhood? Maybe, But I think it’s so weird that I don’t understand how it happened, why it keeps happening to children, but I can tell that they are beautiful in every way and when my brother became autistic, was he meant to be this or was cursed? As a Nigerian, you question things like this and search for spiritual help.  I never knew of the situation till I was 14. When I was younger, I was ignorant. I didn’t know what was wrong with my brother. I was even too self-absorbed at that age or just busy looking for trouble. I didn’t know why he didn’t speak or w...
31 comments
Read more

CREATING A COMMUNITY OF AWE-TISM ADVOCATES: FIRST TIME SPEAKER!

 Last year, I prayed that I would be part of the speakers for the GT-Bank Annual Autism Programme and I got an opportunity! As a chronic overthinker and scaredy cat, I began to worry if I would be able to do it. Everyone knows Public speaking is not my best forte. I couldn’t raise my voice in a group of ten, why would I be able to do it with over 300 people in the room and more virtually? Despite the voices in my head and my tailor trying to mess up my life the day before, I promised myself that I would let nothing bother me.  Nothing. This year’s theme is creating a community of Awe-tism Advocates and I couldn’t love it much more. This was the exact one I wanted to go into. To be honest, I cannot seem to understand how GT bank had been able to plan something so perfect. Everything was perfect for me from the dance and drama presentation by Corporate dance world, to the end of the two-day conference.  I was part of the panel discussion "It takes with a village", this mea...
Post a Comment
Read more