Wow! Your Safe Space 2.0 was one of the best things that has happened to me this year; When I thought of the theme “What’s your role in a neurodiverse World?” I thought of collaboration- for persons to come together and create ways that persons with disabilities can be seen, appreciated and happy in society. That's what I wanted. You know because I have all of these ideas and as effective as I am, I can't do it all.
Your Safe Space NG 2.0 surpassed my expectations and even though you weren't there, I think you need to know the ten things that we took away from the intimate gathering.
Your emotions are valid but your actions matter: Neurotypical siblings aren’t the only ones who get upset, or embarrassed of their siblings; parents do; Hearing Mrs. Azazi’s view inspired me. My parents share the same emotions if not more. In managing Special needs, You’ll have a lot of emotions but you must think about your actions. You cannot be upset and spew a lot of curses on your child/sibling. It’s unacceptable. Try to manage your actions.
Be careful how you address people with special needs: We got into a rather long discussion about how you describe persons with special needs. You cannot use certain words, but guess what? People do. Some people can’t say blind or deaf; some people prefer physically challenged, or visually impaired. It’s a bit difficult to know how to describe them because it’s a touchy subject. But here are three words you should never call them- Retarded, Dumb, or Incapable. Don’t do that.
See also: Be Disability-Friendly
Find strategies to deal with your frustration: No doubt, You’ll get frustrated and fed-up and it’s fine to feel that way. As a parent, you can collaborate with your partner to find ways to be better. As a sibling, you can make sure you are dealing with your emotions in healthy ways- writing in your journal, going out, or praying. But do not jeopardize your mental health by engaging in terrible things.
See the person and not the disability: While it is important to tell your friends of your sibling’s diagnosis, it is also important to let people see your sibling for who they are. However, in some cases, you should be able to explain to your friends about disabilities, because you are indirectly educating them. I’ve seen videos and read stories of how persons with disabilities feel like you shouldn’t look at their disability, but try to find out about them, beyond the disabilities.
If you want a world that is respectful of others’ neurodiversity, you must collaborate: no man is an island and you have to make sure you are partnering up with people, especially those who are neurodiverse; you want to make a movie, get a film crew. If you want to get affordable inclusive transportation, get the government’s assistance and support in that. You cannot do it all alone.
Do not abuse a child/individual with Special needs: Okay, although the law is not functioning in Nigeria, it is unacceptable to hit someone with Autism or other disorders. No matter how frustrated you are as a professional, do not hit another person’s child. It may be allowed at the ward’s home, but you should never abuse a child. That’s not your character or the way to handle things. And as a parent, do not hit your child or create an environment where it is normalized. You will regret it.
See also: Normalizing Conversations about Disabilities and Disorders
Choose Wise Company: The bible says “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” As a sibling, you are your sibling’s greatest advocate so you must never allow your friends to abuse your sibling. No derogatory words snide remarks or questionable actions should be allowed in your home. They can do it outside but not in the company of your sibling; that is their safe space. Manage your company well.
Storytelling is a beautiful way to spread awareness: Now, look at the amazing stories on special needs. Look at how they depict the lives of persons with disabilities. Now, that’s a good way to increase awareness! But the only thing is that you have to show true representation. Don’t be so quick to get views on your art that you showcase persons living with a disability or special needs in a negative light. Get your facts right. And if possible, collaborate with others.
Being kind: There is no better role in a neurodiverse world. You need to show kindness when dealing with everyone. Everyone carries a problem that is not seen and they don’t need your judgmental looks or insensitive questions. What works for me is that I put myself in people’s shoes and do exactly what I would want others to do for me. And smile! Please smile! It makes people feel better.
See also: Why does a support group matter?
Finally, pray when things get Hard. There is no one on Earth who can do the impossible but our God. Crying out to him is something that should be normalized everytime. He knows everything and wants you to come to him. One of my favorite things is to write a “letter to God”. Although he sees everything going on, but when I do that, I am depending on his strength.
So, there are Ten things to Note. You cannot imagine how much I loved the gathering and how it was key to understanding some things. I knew that being an older parent could be a risk to having children with special needs; I had no idea of that fact.
I am also glad that this inspired people. Thank you so much to everyone who came to my event. I hope that this event inspires people to be better and understand their role in this neurodiverse world.
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