Reservations from a love-struck neurotypical sibling: My partner has to love my Autistic brother

So, the month of love is one of my best months.

I came across a story about a girl’s boyfriend basically being her special needs brother’s best friend, and I whined” Goddddd, I want that,”

For a while, I’ve been skeptical about Marriage . I want to marry someone with a ton of values and the same faith as mine. I have one fear: “If he loves me, will he be able to love my brother too?”

These are fears that many neurotypical siblings won’t talk about.

I believe that family should have a good relationship with your future partner.

Because of my fear, I’ve been sort of strict with the kind of people I let into my life. With friends, I choose people who are kind-hearted, patient, and amazing.

I want the same for my partner. I know that at some point, Tobi will have to stay with me; I want that healthy relationship.

Yes, sometimes I feel that I will never meet that person, someone who loves me and loves my brother. But that’s just fear and years of disappointment have done.

And with marriage for Tobi, painfully, I don’t see it yet; before you judge me, I believe certain things should happen first; one of them is that I have to be able to see that someone other than my family can have the amount of patience and love for Tobi.

I have trust issues; even if this girl is so perfect, I would have terrifying nightmares about her with my brother. But that’s on me.

I ask myself, “Will I get a wife for my brother?” Or let my mother get a wife for Tobi?”

NO!

I want him to have that experience of falling in love with someone and choosing whether he wants to be with her forever. Again, I know it is possible because the God I serve can make it happen, but I’m still skeptical about this.

But baby steps- the goal is to get faith that moves mountains.

If you’re privileged to love a neurotypical sibling, please make it easy for him or her. I tell you that before they opened up to you, they thought a lot about your role in the family and also what you would feel about their neurodiverse sibling. I promise you, it’s not a lot, but knowing the sibling will help you understand why your partner is like that.

And future partner whom the lord has chosen for me but is still working on himself. I hope you’re learning a little about Autism, so when you meet me, I don’t have to worry so much. Make it easy for me, okay?

Happy love month!

Comments

The Change

HOW I DEALT WITH THE NEWS. Hiiiiiii. Let me just say my awesome friends pushed me to doing this and I love them❤️ So I have been so fortunate to know the word “Autism and everything it entails. I have a brother of 17 years who is autistic and if you knew me well, you would know I mention Tobi like a million times a day, when referring to anything. He's just in my mind everytime, gosh. Is it weird that I don’t remember my childhood? Maybe, But I think it’s so weird that I don’t understand how it happened, why it keeps happening to children, but I can tell that they are beautiful in every way and when my brother became autistic, was he meant to be this or was cursed? As a Nigerian, you question things like this and search for spiritual help. I never knew of the situation till I was 14. When I was younger, I was ignorant. I didn’t know what was wrong with my brother. I was even too self-absorbed at that age or just busy looking for trouble. I didn’t know why he didn’t speak or w

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