Reservations from a love-struck neurotypical sibling: My partner has to love my Autistic brother

 So, the month of love is one of my best months. 

I came across a story about a girl’s boyfriend basically being her special needs brother’s best friend, and I whined” Goddddd, I want that,”

For a while, I’ve been skeptical about Marriage . I want to marry someone with a ton of values and the same faith as mine. I have one fear: “If he loves me, will he be able to love my brother too?”

These are fears that many neurotypical siblings won’t talk about. 

I believe that family should have a good relationship with your future partner. 

Because of my fear, I’ve been sort of strict with the kind of people I let into my life. With friends, I choose people who are kind-hearted, patient, and amazing.

See also: Will I erase Autism from my life?

I want the same for my partner. I know that at some point, Tobi will have to stay with me; I want that healthy relationship. 

Yes, sometimes I feel that I will never meet that person, someone who loves me and loves my brother. But that’s just fear and years of disappointment have done. 

And with marriage for Tobi, painfully, I don’t see it yet; before you judge me, I believe certain things should happen first; one of them is that I have to be able to see that someone other than my family can have the amount of patience and love for Tobi.

I have trust issues; even if this girl is so perfect, I would have terrifying nightmares about her with my brother. But that’s on me.

I ask myself, “Will I get a wife for my brother?” Or let my mother get a wife for Tobi?”

NO! 

See also: Reflecting on my years as a neurotypical sibling

I want him to have that experience of falling in love with someone and choosing whether he wants to be with her forever. Again, I know it is possible because the God I serve can make it happen, but I’m still skeptical about this.

But baby steps- the goal is to get faith that moves mountains.

If you’re privileged to love a neurotypical sibling, please make it easy for him or her. I tell you that before they opened up to you, they thought a lot about your role in the family and also what you would feel about their neurodiverse sibling. I promise you, it’s not a lot, but knowing the sibling will help you understand why your partner is like that. 

And future partner whom the lord has chosen for me but is still working on himself. I hope you’re learning a little about Autism, so when you meet me, I don’t have to worry so much. Make it easy for me, okay?

Happy love month!