Skip to main content

SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTS, BREATHE!

Sometimes, you need to say “Screw it” and take that break”

As special needs parents and caregivers, we are used to being strong and ever-present. The word “Break” doesn’t exist in our vocabulary, except when we see intense moments of distress and realize that we need to rest.


At the Exhale Conference 6.0, I had the honor of moderating a session on creating a sustainable future for children with special needs and I was reminded of one thing- Now is the time to start planning for the future. 

Not tomorrow, not next week, but now. 


But guess what? Your long-term planning for the children won’t be effective if you don't take care of yourself. The future is not just about setting up a trust fund but taking care of ourselves to ensure we can continue this journey with resilience and strength.


The Exhale Conference was organized by a powerhouse, Mrs. Bukola Ayinde, a disability advocate and a special needs mother to a child with cerebral palsy. It was the first time meeting Mrs. Ayinde and I could see one thing oozing through her “Power and resilience”


See also: Knowing my brother was Autistic.


We don’t talk about the strength of special needs parents enough. Most of the time, I talk about siblings, but let’s talk about the parents today. Special needs mothers have that thing about them. They give the aura that they can handle absolutely anything! They know what to do at the right time! 


See also: The Unseen Mental Health Challenges Faced by Caregivers of Individuals with Disabilities


Mrs. Ayinde's short film on special needs parenting showed the audience the process of how a special needs mother goes from unacceptance to pushing for inclusion for her child with special needs. Before the moment a parent accepts the diagnosis, there are moments of “Why me?” Why did this happen to me?”


But I want to come back to “Why not you?” 

I believe in God and his plans for success for his creation. I have stopped trying to ask the question "Why?" I can't figure out why things happen, but I know IT IS FOR OUR GOOD.


Before I go all Christian on you, let’s first talk about the things I learned about during this meeting.


  1. First of all, your child can achieve BIG things. They can have educational and career paths. We often think that because our child has a disability, all hope is lost- No, it’s not. Your child can achieve great things so don’t limit them. So, this is to that mother worried about what impact her child will make- he/she can do AMAZING things. 

  2. Please, seek a community to help you with your child. No man is an island, what I love about special needs parenting is that you're not alone. They carry your battles too. You have other people to help you. There is this unusual strength that comes from hearing other people’s stories. Conferences like Exhale are invaluable because they provide a sense of community.   

  3. While all children may not have a job- yes, some children with special needs won’t have jobs,” it’s not just the society being inclusive, but what if the child is not able to hold up a job? That's where vocational jobs come in. Your child can excel in bead-making, and transcription jobs, and guess what? Technology has made things easier for us, as children with special needs can do jobs remotely. If your child or sibling has mobility issues, some remote recruitment sites can help.


See also: My Greatest Fear: My Future Role of Caregiving



  1. Your child can go to university. One of the speakers, Tobiloba Ajayi who lives with cerebral Palsy, went to school and has a law degree! So, what does that say? Your child can go to the university. Now, universities are being inclusive. They may not all have ramps in all universities, but some specialized teachers are learning about individual differences. I, for one, love to see it!

  2. One of the most significant concerns for parents of children with special needs is ensuring long-term financial security.  We’re worried about where the money will come from.

I know, I know- the economy is bad. But I want you to think of God as your source. He who gave you the child can provide for him/her.  That’s one of the things I love about God. He will never leave you. I want you to do something- write down the plans you have for your child. Where do you see him? How will she end up? Write those plans and work towards them.  



  1. As parents, we look forward to our children being independent, but we have a role to play. Independence cannot happen overnight and involves children taking responsibility in many ways. We need to put them in situations where they would have to do things on their own. Teach them simple life skills- like how to buy things on their own, how to clean up themselves. Those little things make a huge difference. 

  2. You need to take care of yourself as a special needs parent or caregiver. I’m talking about your physical health. When was the last time you took a blood test or checked your BP? It’s important to stay in the best state. Take a walk, do aerobics, take a dance class, and take your health seriously! 


See also: Normalizing conversations about disabilities and disorders


  1. Not every neurotypical sibling will want to take responsibility for their sibling with special needs- the truth is that a neurotypical sibling has his/her own life to live and you cannot force them to take on guardianship. Besides, have we ever thought about asking special needs individuals what they want? This is personal because I never thought about asking about my brother's point of view. What do you want? Who do you want to live with? What I am trying to say is that you should factor their decisions in. 

  2. A guardian can be a family friend who knows your child and knows how to provide for the child- not financially, but also emotionally. If I am choosing my guardian for my child, I want to make sure the person will ensure my child is respected and also follows the plans I have for him. They should be emotional and strong enough to guide my child. 


See also: This Autism documentary will change your lives.


The Exhale conference serves as a reminder of the importance of pause. As parents and caregivers, we are often in a constant state of “inhalation”—taking in new information, dealing with crises, and future needs. It can be exhausting. 


But exhaling—taking intentional breaks, enjoying life—allows us to process, reset, and return with fresh energy. This is not just an act of self-care; it’s a strategy for sustainable caregiving. I hope you take advantage of this information and truly rest.


And if no one told you today, you’re doing an amazing job as a parent and caregiver! I'm rooting for you!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

EASTER SUNDAY- THE DAY JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND THE DAY I THOUGHT OF SUICIDE

I believe in the opinion that everyone has thought of suicide, and you can argue, but you know deep down, something may have happened to you to make you say, “I’m going to end it all.” But let’s talk about something that happened to me. Now, this article is not to scare you, or to make me seem easily influenced by the other voice. It is to remind you of three things. One, bottling emotions is not good.  Two, the role of caregiving for someone with a disability is not something that is your sole responsibility. Three, the devil is a bastard.  Okay, let's get into it. If you’ve been following my space, you probably know that I have a brother with Autism. As much as it is a beautiful experience, it is very scary. Whenever my brother is coming to the house from school, we ‘ Tobi-proof ’ the house, meaning that we have to hide some things, lock some things up, and it is quite a lot.  See also: Choosing Love as a neurotypical sibling Long story short. I had a meltdown on Sunda...
Post a Comment
Read more

CREATING A COMMUNITY OF AWE-TISM ADVOCATES: FIRST TIME SPEAKER!

 Last year, I prayed that I would be part of the speakers for the GT-Bank Annual Autism Programme and I got an opportunity! As a chronic overthinker and scaredy cat, I began to worry if I would be able to do it. Everyone knows Public speaking is not my best forte. I couldn’t raise my voice in a group of ten, why would I be able to do it with over 300 people in the room and more virtually? Despite the voices in my head and my tailor trying to mess up my life the day before, I promised myself that I would let nothing bother me.  Nothing. This year’s theme is creating a community of Awe-tism Advocates and I couldn’t love it much more. This was the exact one I wanted to go into. To be honest, I cannot seem to understand how GT bank had been able to plan something so perfect. Everything was perfect for me from the dance and drama presentation by Corporate dance world, to the end of the two-day conference.  I was part of the panel discussion "It takes with a village", this mea...
Post a Comment
Read more

Empower Voices for Autism

  Why is it very important to empower voices for Autism? There it is! Gt Bank has done it againnnn… It’s one thing when you’re doing everything you can to be aware of a neurodevelopmental disorder, it’s another to make sure others can be aware.  This is my fifth year attending the GT bank Autism conference.  Check out the past year’s post:  Creating a community to Awe-Tism Advocates And every year I go, I am so empowered and  also filled with hope. Hundreds of people attend to know more about autism, to find ways how they can help their children or students. This year’s theme focuses on inspiring confidence in individuals with autism to reach their full potential in their preferred sector, whether art or music.  I’ll start with the dance drama which was… Amazing! Mind you, I’m going to be using that term a lot. The actor in the stage play was a very talented photographer. The moral of the riveting story was that people would always try to take credit for wh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Special Education!

  It is a hard pill to swallow but children with developmental disorders are often not recognized in society.  Yes, I said it! Special education is a unique educational program for students who have mental, physical, and emotional challenges.  These children require special and unique teaching approaches. Sometimes, these approaches take place outside a regular classroom setting. Special-needs children refer to children who have some  sensory challenges.  Some of these challenges are common to children with Autism spectrum disorders, Down syndrome, Cerebral palsy, hearing impairments, developmental delay, intellectual disability, emotional disturbance, visual impairment, and much more. It’s unfair that children are placed in regular classrooms and are forced to learn the way neurotypical children are.  My brother once attended a school for neurotypical children.  This was a time when we weren’t sure about his diagnosis. I could tell that it was hard fo...
Post a Comment
Read more