The Change

HOW I DEALT WITH THE NEWS.
Hiiiiiii. Let me just say my awesome friends pushed me to doing this and I love them❤️
So I have been so fortunate to know the word “Autism and everything it entails.
I have a brother of 17 years who is autistic and if you knew me well, you would know I mention Tobi like a million times a day, when referring to anything. He's just in my mind everytime, gosh.
Is it weird that I don’t remember my childhood? Maybe, But I think it’s so weird that I don’t understand how it happened, why it keeps happening to children, but I can tell that they are beautiful in every way and when my brother became autistic, was he meant to be this or was cursed? As a Nigerian, you question things like this and search for spiritual help.

 I never knew of the situation till I was 14. When I was younger, I was ignorant. I didn’t know what was wrong with my brother. I was even too self-absorbed at that age or just busy looking for trouble. I didn’t know why he didn’t speak or why he wouldn’t stay in his class, why he would hit himself when he was upset or worse why he wouldn’t talk.
 Sometimes, it seemed funny and I would laugh. Most times, it was a downer.
So I decided to pay more attention to him aged 14. I loved him the more. I got to know that he processes information differently; he had a problem with communication. And when I got to know what he was going through, it made me appreciate my gifts more. I imagined him struggling to say what he wanted, but couldn’t and the means he used to communicate was not understood. The frustration, I imagined and dreaded for his sake. I dedicated my time and efforts everyday to understand him better. It wasn’t easy.
I loved him so much that I would sacrifice things I never thought I would but at the same time, I was somehow embarrassed. At that young age, I was focused on impressing people, finding friends and funnily, trying to look cool. I think everyone can relate to the pressure of trying so hard to be perfect.
‘’Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it” Salvador Dali.
He would yell at places, hit himself when angry, and sometimes bang his head on the wall. I either would cry or want to snap him out of his nonsense but recently I found out that you can’t punish a child for sensory overload. Well, sometimes.
I would be embarrassed for such behaviour. I hated myself for looking away and letting my mom handle it, without helping her or trying to understand him.
Then I realized that everyone has something embarrassing about them, or even weird. I have a bath like 5 times a day, isn't that weird? 

I prayed obviously for another mentality, to try to understand my brother and damn, it’s like the most wonderful thing ever. You cannot imagine the extreme pride I have when my brother requests for something with such simple actions or words and I know what he wants. It’s almost like winning a million dollars, even more.
I look back at the previous years when I laughed at him, when I made fun of him, I understand that I have grown that I understand how he is now. The key was to understand him and pray for such patience because it’s not easy. Understand the reason why he shouts, why he pulls you somewhere, why he is who he is.
There was this time, I had changed the TV channel for him and of course I was angry because I had to sacrifice my telenovela time for an episode of SpongeBob squarepants. Not knowing in the process of throwing the remote, I lost the back cover. And he has a thing with organization. I sometimes refer to it as a special kind of OCD. So, he started looking for something, throwing everything around, just to look for it. I was beyond shocked to know that he went through that trouble to get a cover that I wouldn’t even care about.
I’ll be going through different spheres I have gone through with dealing with my brother Yayy! I know there are people out there who know how I feel, who knows the struggle and the joy of having a sibling who is autistic or has special needs.
It’s amazing. Autism shouldn't just be about awareness but also acceptance.❤️